Archive for May, 2010

It’s Free!

Saturday, May 29th, 2010

This 85-year-old couple, having been married almost 60 years, die tragically in a car crash. They have been in good health the last ten years, mainly due to the wife’s nearly neurotic interest in health food.

Golf

When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite, complete with Jacuzzi. As they “oohed and aahed’ the old man asked St. Peter how much all this was going to cost.

“It’s free,” St. Peter replied, “Remember, this is Heaven.”

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Next they went out back to see the championship golf course the home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges every day, and each week the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on Earth. The old man asked, “What are the green fees?”

“This is Heaven,” St. Peter replied. “You play for free.”

Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out. “How much to eat?” asked the old man.

“Don’t you understand yet?” St. Peter asked. “This is Heaven. It’s free!”

“Well, where are the low-fat and low-cholesterol foods?” the old man asked timidly.

“That’s the best part … you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven.”

The old man looked at his wife and said, “You and your bran muffins. I could have been here ten years ago!”

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A Half Hour Late

Saturday, May 29th, 2010

golf 0A couple of weeks ago, I played with new member who shot an even par 72.
We had fun during the round, so I asked him if he wanted to play next week.
He said: “Sure, but I might be a half hour late.”
The following week he shows up right on on time, and sets up on the first tee this time playing left- handed. Again he shoots a 72.

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I asked him if he wanted to play again next week.
He replied: “Sure but I might be a half hour late.”
I then asked him :”How come some times you play right- handed and other times, left-handed.”
He said :”When I wake up in the morning and my wife is sleeping on her left side, I play left- handed and if she is on her right side, then I play right- handed.”
I then ask ,”So,what if she is laying flat on her back?”
“That’s when I’ll be a half hour late!” he replied.

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Two Friends

Saturday, May 29th, 2010

golf0529Two friends were playing golf one day.They decided that they would adhere strictly to the rules with no improving their lie. After a few holes, one guy’s ball landed on a cart path.
As he reached down to pick up his ball to get relief his friend said.

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“We agreed that we would not improve our lie.”
No matter how much the first fellow tried to explain that he was entitled to this relief, the second fellow would not allow it. So the man went to the cart to get a club.
As he stood over the ball he took a few practice swings, each time scraping the club on the pavement, taking out big chunks of blacktop and sending out lots of sparks!
Finally, after several practice swings he took his shot. The ball took off and landed on the green about 6 feet from the pin.
“Great shot!” his friend exclaimed. “What club did you use?”
“Your  7-iron!” he replied.

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Pretty Penny

Saturday, May 29th, 2010

Two Scots, Rabby and Angus are playing golf and come upon a water hole.

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golf_2Rabby tees up and hits it into the middle of the pond.
He reaches into his bag to find that he is out of balls. He then asks Angus for
a ball and proceeds to hit it into the pond as well. This goes on for 3 or 4 more times and when he asks Angus for yet another ball, Angus says.”Rabby, these
ball cost me a pretty penny.”

Rabby replies “Och!, Angus if you cannee afford to play the game, ya should
nee be out here.”

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Which One?

Friday, May 28th, 2010

golf wTwo dim-witted golfers are teeing off on a foggy par-3. They can see the flag, but not the green. The first golfer hits his ball into the fog and the second golfer does the same. They proceed to the green to find their balls.

One ball is about 6 feet from the cup while the other found it’s way into the cup for a hole-in-one. Both were playing the same type of balls, TopFlite 2, and couldn’t determine which ball was which.

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They decided to ask the golf pro to decide their fate. After congratulating both golfers on their fine shots, the golf pro asks,

“Which one of you used the orange one ?”

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Devil and Demons

Friday, May 28th, 2010

golf1The devil was holding a meeting with all the little demons. He stood up and said, “Well you poor useless lot of sissies, this guy Jesus is putting to much good in the world, you time wasters, you make me sick, you came to hell to make their life a misery; instead you waste your time playing silly games, so what are you going to do about it?”

Well, just then a small devil quite new to the job and very timid sheepishly said, “O’lord of great darkness I know I’m not as powerful as you but may I make a suggestion, it seems to me if we could build them up and knock them down the pain would be so great we will soon gain control.”

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Just as he said that a more experienced demon said “You mean golf?”

The devil himself interrupts saying, “Steady on old man, we don’t want to finish them off that quick.”

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How Did Your Game Go?

Friday, May 28th, 2010

golf0528A foursome of ladies came back after a round of golf. At the 19th hole in the Clubhouse, the Pro asked them “How did your game go?”

The first said she had a good round with 25 riders. The second said she did OK with 16 riders. The third said not too bad since I had 10 riders. The fourth was disappointed and said that she played badly with only two riders.

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The Pro was confounded by this term “rider” but not wanting to show his ignorance just smiled and wish them better golf the next time. He then approached Jerry the bartender and asked “Jerry, can you tell me what does this term ‘riders’ mean?” Jerry smiled and explained that a “rider” is when you have hit a shot long enough to take a ride on a golf cart.

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Donald Trump Insisted His Project to Build a Luxury Golf Course in Scotland

Friday, May 28th, 2010

Donald Trump

US tycoon Donald Trump insisted his project to build a luxury golf course in Scotland will go ahead, despite a bid to block it by opponents buying land at the heart of the site.

Trump said he was determined to create the “greatest golf course in the world” after flying into Scotland on Wednesday to view progress on the site on the Aberdeenshire coast.

“This will be a masterpiece when it’s completed. As with many of my projects, when it’s completed I think that everybody in this room and more importantly all of Aberdeen and all of Scotland will say thank you,” he said.

But opponents of the £750 million (1.1 billion dollar, 1.2 billion euro) project said they have acquired a one-acre stretch of land in the middle of the resort site, which includes protected sand dunes.

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Sue Edwards, of the Tripping Up Trump campaign group which protested as the tycoon arrived in Aberdeen, said: “You cannot just walk over the homeowners on the estate. These are people who have lived in their homes for years.”

Local resident Michael Forbes, who has refused to sell his home, said: “The Tripping Up Trump campaign has now acquired land at Mill of Menie to defend the homes under threat of compulsory purchase.

“The Trump Organisation will now have to deal with many more objectors than they anticipated.”

Trump struck back, describing Forbes’ property as resembling a “slum”.

“I just wish he would clean up his property, it is a pigsty. It’s terrible, his barn is all rusty and falling down.

“The hotel has the chance to be something really outstanding but it’s awfully hard when a window is overlooking a slum and you see rusting oil cans.”

Trump said his organisation had not yet decided whether it would build the hotel if Forbes refused to sell.

The masterplan for the resort, published this year, will be considered by Aberdeenshire Council later in the year. Councillors have refused to rule out using compulsory purchase orders to remove residents from the land.

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Tiger Woods Said He Would Compete in the Memorial

Friday, May 28th, 2010

tiger0

Tiger Woods will defend his title at Jack Nicklaus’s Memorial Tournament next week, making his return to golf from a neck injury.

Woods, 34, hasn’t played since withdrawing with the injury during the final round of the Players championship earlier this month.

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The world’s No. 1 golfer said today on his website that he will compete in the Memorial at Muirfield Village Golf Club in Dublin, Ohio, which begins June 3. The tournament is two weeks before Woods is scheduled to play in the U.S. Open at Pebble Beach, California.

“The doctors advised me to take a week off and rest, which I did,” Woods said. “They prescribed physical therapy, anti-inflammatory medication and soft-tissue messages, which I’m continuing with. Although I’m not 100 percent, I feel much better and look forward to competing next week.”

The U.S. Open, the season’s second major championship, will be held June 17-20 at Pebble Beach Golf Links. Woods’s website also lists the AT&T National and British Open in July on his schedule.

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Bryce Molder:Daly Shoots 4-under

Friday, May 28th, 2010

Bryce Molder

Bryce Molder seems to have struggled lately after a great early spring on the PGA Tour, but Thursday’s opening round at Colonial Country Club in Fort Worth in the Crowne Plaza Invitational was more like we’d come to expect from the Conway product.

Molder shot a five-birdie, no-bogey 5-under-par 65 at Colonial and finished Thursday just two shots behind the leaders, Jeff Overton and Jason Bohn.

Molder, teeing off after lunch and in the same pairing with Dardanelle’s John Daly, started on the back nine of the tough Colonial course and parred five holes in a row before his first birdie, the par-4 15th. He added birdies on 18, then 2, 8 and 9 to round out his best round in weeks.

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Molder’s strong play and the windless day in Cowtown must have rubbed off on Daly, too, as the injury-prone big-hitter fired a 4-under 66. Daly, playing on a sponsor’s exemption, had not played since having to withdraw from the Quail Hollow Championship in Charlotte in the fourth round when his hip gave out. Daly described the injury as requiring his hip to be pushed back into place by a PGA trainer.

Daly also managed a bogey-free round, and had a driving average on the two par-5s of 321 yards, ranking third in the field. Even better, Daly averaged 79 percent in driving accuracy, eighth best among the field. Daly also needed just 26 putts.

That contrasts with Molder, regarded as one of the best putters around, who took 30 putts and was in the lower half of the field, at No. 81. Molder’s precise driving ranked 4th on Thursday, however.

Unlike last week’s field at the Byron Nelson in Irving, Texas, where the highest ranking golfer in the world rankings was 17th, the Colonial features a solid field led by Phil Mickelson and Jim Furyk, and seven of the top 10 ranked golfers. 

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Colonial Invitational Attract More and More Persons

Friday, May 28th, 2010

It’s always hot in North Texas this time of year, but the local golf attraction hasn’t generated this much heat since Annika Sorenstam put her considerable golf game up against the fellows on the PGA Tour seven years ago at the 2003 Colonial Invitational.

In fact, on the chili-rating scale, this year’s Crowne Plaza Invitational at the Colonial Country Club is in the three-alarm range with a field that includes the current holders of all four major championships and five of the top eight golfers in the World Golf Rankings. Both categories are topped by everybody’s local favorite, Phil Mickelson.Annika Sorenstam

The tournament got off to its annual fast start Thursday – with seven-under-par 63s posted by Jeff Overton and Jason Bohn a half-hour before Mickelson had even teed off. And this year the festivities will extend beyond the confines of Colonial when two of Fort Worth’s tallest buildings – the Chesapeake Energy and Cash America buildings – will be bathed in pink light to kick off the tournament’s Pink Out for breast cancer research.

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Continuing a tradition begun last year to show support for Amy Mickelson, whose diagnosis of breast cancer had been diagnosed one week earlier, players, fans, sponsors and wives will once again wear pink in support of Susan G. Komen for the Cure and breast cancer awareness.

Regional rivalries being what they are in the deep south, the resurgence of the Colonial has given the folks in Fort Worth an opportunity to chide their more cosmopolitan neighbors in Dallas, the city some 20 miles to the east, by pointing out that there were none of the top 16 players in the world at last week’s tour event there.

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Adding to the celebratory atmosphere in Fort Worth was news that Crowne Plaza had signed up for another year as the tournament’s title sponsor, ending speculation that it would depart after this, its fourth, year. In an interview with Tthe Fort-Worth Star Telegram, the Crowne Plaza executive Gina LaBarre told the newspaper the company had agreed to terms for 2011 and that discussions were ongoing for additional years.

“We absolutely love being here,” LaBarre said. “We love the city of Fort Worth. We love the people. We obviously love the people at Colonial. This really brings it home.”

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Jason Day Celebrate His First PGA Tour Victory

Friday, May 28th, 2010

To celebrate his first PGA Tour victory last Sunday, Jason Day, wife Ellie and friends gathered for a low-key dinner at a chain restaurant in downtown Fort Worth.

Jason Day 0It makes one wonder what the Fort Worth resident might do if he pulls off the incredibly rare Dallas-Fort Worth double-dip. To win the tournament named for Byron Nelson and then capture the tournament synonymous with Ben Hogan in the span of eight days would certainly call for a culinary upgrade.

After all, it’s been 64 years since the legendary Hogan became the last to win the two events in the same year.

Blake Adams, conversely, said he spent last Sunday night staring at the ceiling until the wee hours, re-playing in his mind the double-bogey on the 72nd hole that derailed his chance at his first career win and evaporated dreams of an elusive North Texas two-step.

As Day toasted a victory that provided a two-year tour exemption, a spot in next year’s Master’s and a $1.17 million payday, Adams stewed. The 34-year-old rookie from Bartlesville, Okla., who before this year had never competed in a PGA Tour event, was eager to get on with the week and onto a Colonial course that promised to play hard and fast.

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“Sunday was a pretty tough night,” Adams said. “I’m always pretty hard on myself and I definitely beat myself up pretty good. But I learned from it and woke up Monday and obviously last week is last week, so I just used it as motivation.”

Both golfers charged into Thursday’s hot and muggy first-round of the Crowne Plaza Invitational at Colonial. Day, a 22-year-old native of Brisbane, Australia, who possesses a keen sense of the area’s golf genes since moving here and making Colonial Country Club his home base, got off to a fast start with three birdies on his first five holes.

He recovered from back-to-back bogeys early on his back nine and then closed the day with consecutive birdie putts to finish with a 4-under-par 66, tied for 14th and well within striking distance of the three co-leaders — one of which is scruffy-faced Adams.

Adams sizzled with five birdies on his front nine. He had just one bogey for the round and finished with a birdie on the 18th for a 7-under 63. Playing in the last group to finish on a day that heated up to 94 degrees, Adams’ last putt tied him with Jeff Overton and Jason Bohn. Adams will be first to tee off in Friday’s second round.

Jason Day 05“I think we both know it’s another week, it’s a different way of thinking,” Day said. “You’ve got to get back into it and it’s a new job and you got to get back to the job at hand. Last week was great. I won and I was very thankful and happy that I won, but this week is a different week and I’ve got to get back out there and get the job done.”

For a shot to wear the plaid jacket of a Colonial winner, Day and Adams will have to outplay a far more rugged field than last week. Four of the world’s top six golfers — and 17 of the top 20 players in terms of Ryder Cup points — are here, including fan favorite Phil Mickelson, who got off to a rocky, 1-over 71 in his quest for a second Colonial victory in three years. This one would push him past Tiger Woods atop the World Golf Ranking.

With more sunny and hot weather in the forecast, the course is expected to stay fast, which should provide low scores and a crowded scoreboard.

“You know, I’d love to come through with a win here. I reckon it would be just great, me being just a local guy in Fort Worth and having a lot of friends and family here, it will just top it off,” Day said. “Obviously to play well here; you can just see Mr. Hogan out there when you walk through the gate.”

Day originally moved to Orlando, Fla., but after he hurt his back during his first year on the tour, the agent for Fort Worth golfer Rory Sabbatini referred Day to a physical therapy program at Back9Fitness, a facility based at the Jim McLean Golf Center in east Fort Worth. Day and his wife live in a neighborhood virtually around the corner.

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He became a member at Colonial and said he’s played the course at least 50 times. That familiarity helped his resolve when he bogeyed holes 3 and 4 (in reality holes 12 and 13 because he started his round on the back nine) and fell well back in the pack at 2-under. Day finished fourth here last year.

“I just tried to keep plodding along and try to stick to my game plan,” Day said. “I knew I could squeeze a couple of birdies out of the last few holes. I’m a member here and I’ve played here a bunch of times.”

Adams will have to rely on his own resolve as the tournament wears on. He’d never played Colonial.

“It was obviously a good day,” Adams said. “This is a special place, a lot of history here. I’m very blessed to be here.”

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BridgeStone TourStage V-iQ Irons_$499.99

Friday, May 28th, 2010

BridgeStone TourStage V-iQ IronsBridgeStone TourStage V-iQ Irons on http://www.golfclubs365.com

shaft: Graphite
Flex: Regular/Stiff
Price: $499.99 
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Tourstage Bridgestone ViQ driver_$299.99

Friday, May 28th, 2010

Tourstage Bridgestone ViQ driverTourstage Bridgestone ViQ driver on http://www.golfclubs365.com

Degree: 10.5°
Price: $299.99  
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Tourstage Bridgestone ViQ driver
Bridgestone’s new Tourstage ViQ driver comes with technology designed to add distance to every shot. Incorporating the “Impact Management System”, which Bridgestone says features four new technologies that will take the company’s golf club manufacturing portfolio to a higher level, this is definitely one that should be tried.

The Tourstage Bridgestone ViQ driver also has a “Triple Turbo Rubber Structure” that offers a crisp feel and has a “Super Turbo Rubber” adopted in the head, shaft and grip.

The Tourstage Bridgestone ViQ driver’s “Intelligent Turbo Face” has been developed to ensure greater distance with consistent big drives, and it also allows for steady distance performance even on off-centre hits.

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Thursday, May 27th, 2010

To golfer:Burner Superfast Driver    Taylormade Burner Superfast Driver

golfing0The lady golfer was a determined, if not very proficient player. At each swipe she made at the ball earth flew in all directions.

“Gracious me,” she exclaimed red-faced to her caddie, “the worms will think there’s an earthquake.”

“I don’t know,” replied the caddie, “the worms round here are very clever. I’ll bet most of them are hiding underneath the ball for safety.”

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